Talking to children about race is a vital part of parenting, in my opinion. When I became a mother to my baby boy, I felt like I became a mother to all children. Mothers feel this connection to babies in a deeply visceral way - we feel it in the womb. Many mothers will tell you that when George Floyd called out for his Mama in his dying breaths, that they felt the pain of his Mother. I think that is one of the many reasons why (sadly) his death had a greater impact than all of the countless other Black deaths lost in obscurity and silence.
I think about my own son and how privileged I am that I don’t have the same fears and safety concerns for him that other Black mothers have for their children, (or that I have even for myself). Although my son is biracial, he will always pass as white; he is his white father’s miniature with straight, blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. However, I will still be talking to him about race.
Why Talking to Children About Race is so Important
While I was pregnant, I did worry about these things. I reviewed all of the discussions my parents had with me about race growing up as a child - the first time another kid said something recognizably racist to me I was only 6 years old. And almost every day thereafter, I was teased for my hair or my skin that was so different from the predominantly white community I grew up in. Kids put erasers and pieces of trash in my afro puff. Children were not allowed to play with me, because I was Black. Teachers doubted my intelligence. Boys would show interest in me but confess that they couldn’t date me because their parents would never understand or approve. And when I learned my history, about how Black people are systematically abused and terrorized in America, I learned fear. Fear for myself, my Black father, and my White mother who had committed the ultimate transgression by marrying a Black man. My parents were married only a few years after the anti-miscegenation laws were abolished in America. Nevertheless, they were still abandoned or rejected by many of their family and friends. We were all targets.
Now that my son is almost 2, the conversations and fears are different. I am mistaken for his nanny; people have aggressively interrogated my Dad and me in public about who my son “belongs” to as if we stole him; and I worry about the day he comes home to asks me about something derogatory someone will inevitably say to him about dark-skinned people, not realizing that his Mom is one of them. I wish there was a way to shield him from this generational pain and trauma. When that day comes, I can only do what my parents did - tell him the truth, talk to him openly and honestly, and teach him how to rise above it.
Join Me in Talking to Children About Race
I very purposely gave my son the middle name Malcolm to honor my favorite Civil Rights activist, Malcolm X. Malcolm X had the audacity to challenge racism and systemic prejudice in a way that didn’t make people feel comfortable, but it caused them to question their bias. My challenge now will be modeling and teaching my son the tools he will need to use his privilege for social justice. Likewise, I will raise my son to recognize when something is wrong and to use his privileges in a positive way by making it right.
I hope you’ll join me in talking to children about race. Let’s work together to raise children who can help turn this world into a place where bigotry, suspicion, and emotional and physical trauma aren’t a part of anyone’s experience ever again.