*This is an affirming, body-positive post:* It probably comes as no surprise that I have struggled with body-image issues most of my life. Body-positivity has only recently become the norm, so I don’t know many women my age who didn’t grow up with body-image issues. But being in the fashion industry meant that I was constantly opening myself up to body critique (and I mean serious scrutiny) by outsiders - photographers, agents, clients, editors, stylists, etc… Seeing my body photoshopped only highlighted (in my mind) the flaws I need to work on. And oftentimes I was told outright that I needed to lose a few pounds, or tighten up this or that part of my body. I’ve always been an athlete, so my petite frame has a muscular build that didn’t always fit well with the Kate Moss aesthetic.
All of this is just to say that I am so thankful for the younger generations who are finally smashing this nonsense and placing it in the trash where it belongs. I love walking through stores and seeing commercials now with Womxn of TRULY different body types, skin tones and figures. It has been liberating for me, even in my mid-30’s. After becoming a Mom, I felt much less pressure to “bounce back” and look exactly the way I did pre-baby. I can honestly say that I’m happier with my body now than I ever was before.
That is, until the pandemic hit. Being in quarantine put my new-found, happy body image to the test - because I gained almost 10 pounds. By way of background: I have been the same weight (give or take a few pounds) my entire life. Even while I was pregnant, I just looked like I swallowed a basketball. And after I gave birth, I pretty much looked my “normal” after a few weeks (I know, nothing to brag about, it’s just the way my genetics worked out). I say this to make the point that gaining 10 pounds for me was something I didn’t even know my body was capable of. It is a testament to the impossible amount of stress we were all under during quarantine.
Coming out of the pandemic, I did my best to get back to feeling healthy overall. I wasn’t focused on “weight” per se, but I was absolutely uncomfortable in my clothing and had lost all firmness. The last 6 months, I’ve cleaned up my diet, I walk everyday and I make it to Pilates when I can. Still, single-Mom life doesn’t always allow for consistent work-out times or perfect eating regimens. I still snack on my toddler’s leftovers and choose sleep over working out most of the time. I’m no longer interested in being rigid, restrictive or punishing about my diet / exercise habits. No longer holding myself to an impossible Victoria’s Secret Angel standard. I finally accepted my extra body-weight.
I have often had the experience that when I surrender and let go of trying to control something, that’s when I have the breakthrough. Oddly enough, when I finally stopped worrying about trying to drop the extra pounds and firm up, that’s when it happened. The difference is that now I’m not concerned with whether or not my weight fluctuates anymore. I’m happy either way. And that feels pretty darn great.
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